Worries of a Winchester
by x.imagine.x
Summary: Dean's thoughts/reaction after Sam uses his powers on Samhain in 'It's The Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester'


**Disclaimer: guess what? I own absolutely nothing here… well… except the plot… that's mine…**

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**Worries Of A Winchester**

I finished torching the corpses and started further down the corridor. I had no idea where Sam had ended up, but I took it as a bad sign that he hadn't yet returned. I didn't even want to consider the various scenarios that my little brother may be finding himself in at this moment. I increased my pace, almost to a run. Hearing signs of a struggle up ahead, I rested my hand on the gun stored in my waistband. I turned towards the opening on the right to see Sam fighting with Samhain. From my vantage point, it looked like they were fighting in the normal, human way. Then I looked more closely, and I saw that Samhain was leaning forward, at an unnatural angle, and he appeared to be struggling against some invisible wind. I frowned a little, wondering what was going on. In truth, I already knew what Sam was doing, I was just trying to come up with another thing Sam could possibly be doing, any other thing. Anything but that.

I heard Samhain grunting with the exertion of trying to outdo the invisible force holding him back. He moved over just enough in his efforts to take a step forward that I could now get a clearer view of Sam. My worst fears were confirmed as I saw Sam's outstretched arm, and his open hand. I saw the look of immense concentration on his face, and I knew. I knew that he was using those damn powers to destroy Samhain. After I'd specifically told him not to! _Dammit Sammy! Why do you always have to go against whatever I say?! _I knew that my face would clearly reflect my disappoint and regret as I stared at Sammy fighting this powerful demon. When had it come to this? Not being able to subdue a demon without using supernatural powers? When had my baby brother had to resort to using these demon powers to fight demons themselves? I could feel something close to disgust join the feelings already swirling through my head. When had it come to being evil to fight off evil? Why was Sammy giving into this evil curse that that Yellow-Eyed asshole had burdened him with?

This was all my fault. If I'd just told Castiel and Uriel to smite the town to their heart's content, Sammy would never have had to use his powers. We would probably be halfway to some other state by now. To another town, to another case, to another person that needed our help. If I hadn't been so set on doing the right thing, Sammy would never have had to take this step closer to evil.

I took a deep breath. I had never seen what Sammy looked like when he used his powers, besides that time in the warehouse with Ruby, but that time I'd been standing behind Sam, and hadn't been able to see his face. He looked… demonic. I'd hoped never to see my brother look like a demon again, let alone when he was choosing to look like one.

Sam's eyes flickered up to mine, and I saw the change in his expression. He looked almost ashamed…

I saw Sam wincing as he concentrated even harder. He was obviously struggling to get it over with faster. He clutched at his head with his free hand, and I noticed a drop of blood trickling out of his nose. The blood dripped down over his upper lip, across his mouth, and finally stopped on his chin. Samhain suddenly started gasping, and I watched in awe as the black smoke that could only characterize a demon started to seep out of the poor bastard that had been unlucky enough to become Samhain's host. The body dropped to the ground and the smoke pooled around it, before it oozed through the floorboards, back to Hell where it belonged. I saw Sam drop his arm, panting. His eyes stayed locked on the corpse for a minute before he chanced a glance up at me. We stared at each other for another minute in silence. I could see the pain and shame in his eyes as he took a shaky step forward.

"Dean…"

"Come on Sammy, let's get our asses out of here," I had been trying to sound as if nothing out of the ordinary had just happened, but my voice betrayed me. I readjusted the backpack as Sam started towards me. He stumbled a little just before me, and I reached out on instinct to grab his arm. He was shaking. I led Sam out of the cemetery to my baby. He seemed to make a full recovery in the first few steps. That wasn't normal. Sam just fought off a really powerful demon, resulting in what looked like an excruciating headache and a nosebleed. He wasn't supposed to be fine a couple of minutes later. He was supposed to be weak and shaky for a while. I couldn't help but feel uneasy at this. What was happening to my brother?

"Dean, I-"

"Save it Sammy."

"No, Dean, just let me explain!"

"You just couldn't help yourself, could you? You've got all this potential, and this wonderful, underappreciated power. So you just had to use it, didn't you? You just couldn't leave it alone! You had to go against what I wanted, what God wanted! I thought you said you were done with them Sam!" I spoke with rising volume, my hand banging on the steering wheel after I was finished to get my point across.

"I am! But you don't understand Dean! I had no other choice!"

"What about the knife? What do you think Ruby gave that to you for huh? So it could sit in your pocket while you psychically exorcise demons?"

"In case you don't remember, we _took_ that knife from Ruby. There was no _give_ involved. And in case you hadn't noticed, it was on the other side of the room. I had no other options."

"Of course not. You never have any other options Sam," I said dryly.

Sam turned away, looking out the window at the vegetation rushing by. I sighed, turning my attention back to the road, clenching my jaw. I don't know why he always does that. Whenever I confront him with something he can't possibly deny, he always avoids the accusation, or turns away. It's frustrating to no end. I continue to stare out at the dark road, waiting to see if Sam would say something else. He didn't.

We entered the motel room a little past midnight. Sam went straight to bed, turning away from me, signalling he wasn't about to comment any further about the nights events. I sat down in a chair by the table drinking a beer. Midnight was a little late for drinking, but I had a lot to think over. I watched my younger brother sleeping. He looked so peaceful. Such a contrast from earlier in the night. As I was sitting there in the eerie silence, a sudden realization hit me. The earlier feeling I had taken to be uneasiness wasn't uneasiness at all. It was fear.

Since when had I started being afraid of Sam? Sweet, innocent little Sammy. He wasn't usually the type of person to induce fear. I was the scary one out of the two of us, although I sure as hell didn't scare away the ladies…

Back to the fear. Why did I suddenly fear my brother? I wasn't scared of anything. Well, almost anything. Maybe it was the demon blood that was making me uneasy. Sam had looked too demonic back in that cemetery. Who's to say that these powers wouldn't turn him into a demon himself? My little brother wasn't about to go dark-side. There was no way I was going to watch that happen.

I took another swig of my beer and cursed Lillith for bringing us to this. For ordering the release of Samhain and forcing Sam to use those damn powers to get rid of him. This was all Lillith's fault. However, as I turned the situation over in my mind some more, I realized with regret and horror that this was all _my_ fault. If I hadn't made that deal, I wouldn't have died, and Sam wouldn't have been left alone, forced to use his powers. Granted, Sam would be dead if I hadn't made that deal, but it felt better to blame myself for pushing him to asking Ruby to teach him how to use his powers.

I frowned. I had been on the wrong track. This wasn't mine, or Lillith's fault. It was Ruby's! She was the one that taught him to use his powers, she was the one that piqued his curiosity. She made him trust her, and then she stabbed him in the back. She was manipulative bitch, I just wish I had been there to save him from her tricks. _Damn you, Ruby. _

As I continued to watch Sammy sleeping peacefully, I struggled with what I was going to do now. Cas had specifically told me to stop him, but I guess I haven't succeeded. What was going to happen when the angels found out about this little incident? Were they expecting me to tell them? Because there was no way in hell I was going to do that. I wasn't about to hand my brother off to the angels. I had to figure out what to do.

Ruby. Start with her. I needed to get rid of her if Sam had a hope in hell of surviving this. She needed to be stopped. I yawned suddenly, and glanced at the clock. It was after 3 am in the morning. If we were going to leave in the morning, I had better get some sleep.

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When I woke up Sam was already gone. I climbed out of bed, discovering a note on the table.

_Coffee, _

_Back Soon._

Were the words scrawled in Sam's hurried handwriting. I couldn't help but feel an urgency to see him, to make sure he wasn't sneaking off to go find Ruby again. I knew he'd been sneaking around and meeting up with the bitch, but it had only been going on at night as far as I knew. Suddenly, all the times Sammy had been without me were called into suspicion. How long had this been going on? Had I really been clueless that long? I didn't believe that she'd really left after I found out about Sam using his powers. She had to still be around. And I was going to find her and send her back where she belonged: Hell.

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I finished towelling off after a scalding shower and exited the bathroom to find Sam sitting on his bed.

"Dean. The knife didn't work. I had no other choice."

I stayed silent for a minute, "Start packing. I'm going to go get something to eat."

Sam nodded mutely and I left. Driving out to the cemetery, I felt the eerie sense of being watched. I shrugged it off after making damn sure no one was there. I grabbed a red marker and the book on demon summoning rituals from the back of the Impala and set out to find the appropriate place. Luckily for me, the inside of the building we were in last night was still unlocked, and was easily accessible. I set to work…

About twenty minutes later I'd drawn the symbol, recited to incantation, but Ruby was nowhere to be seen. I looked around angrily.

"Come on you bitch! Where are you?!" I shouted.

"Now, now, Dean, is that any way to talk to a lady?" A voice came from behind me.

"You're no lady."

"That hurt. I have half a mind to leave right now."

"Oh no you aren't. Because if you do, I'll just summon you right back."

Ruby laughed hollowly, "Same old Dean."

"You bet."

"Alright, just tell me what you want," Ruby caved, crossing her arms over her chest.

"You. Gone."

"Kind of contradictory, don't you think Dean? You summon me to tell me you want me gone." Ruby asked, raising an eyebrow mockingly.

"Call it what you want, as long as I get the same end result: You with a one way ticket out of my brother's life."

"What makes you think Sam wants me out of his life? Because I'm not getting that impression."

"I don't care what impressions you're getting Ruby. I want you out of Sam's life."

"I don't really give a crap about what you _want_, Dean."

"How long have you and Sam been meeting behind my back?"

"I really think you should talk to Sam about this."

"Really? Because right now, I'm talking to _you_."

"Thank you Captain Obvious. I had no idea!" Ruby exclaimed mockingly.

I rolled my eyes, "Quit playing games Ruby. Let me put this is simple terms. Stay away from my brother."

"Why should I?"

"Because if you don't, I'll send you back to the pit."

"Are you really going to do that Dean? Send me back to Hell? Just for helping Sammy while you were gone?"

"Don't call him that."

"Because, you know, if it weren't for me, he'd already be gone."

Silence hung heavily over us before I spoke once more, "Stay away from Sam. I mean it."

A half-hour later, as I sat on the park bench, I couldn't be sure that Sam was going to keep to his word, but I hoped Ruby never had the nerve to show her face near us again. There was no way Sam was going dark side. Not on my watch.

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**A/N: So... how was it? I know, the title was pretty bad, but it was the best i could do. Let me know what you thought of it.**


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